Boo-yah! Another Christmas party season is here. I tried to get out of throwing one, but Mr. Man insisted we could not shirk our yuletide responsibility. Well, he didn’t say it as dorky as that but did insist I break my anti-social habits just once a year so all his friends will not secretly wonder if I really do hate them.

(Only when trying to kick people out who won’t take the 3 AM “I’m putting on a Michael Bolton CD, which means GET OUT” hint.) I love planning the food and I’m even getting into decorating this year. Every year though, it seems as if someone has had a hideous breakup. Last year, it was my old friend (girl)and Donovan’s old friend (guy) who flamed out after two years. We invited both, the girl came and got so roaring drunk by the end of the party that she got lost in the parking garage while trying to find the front door. A bit of a piss-tanker, but at least she had gone from annoying to entertainment. The guy stayed home with his new girlfriend to avoid causing a scene.

This year, some friends are going through a divorce. They don’t speak to each other, but we do still see both of them. Both have been invited to this year’s party, neither wants to come at the chance the other will be there. I don’t want to play “he said, she said” games or be a go-between who is scheduling their appearances so they don’t run into each other. “Is ____ invited?” she asked when I invited her, “Did he say he was coming? Because I’d kind of like to bring someone…”

A system could be rigged up where when one had left, we could call up the other to come over for a drink… But there was the chance then that the other could come back to check, and then there would be fireworks. Or at least a heated, hushed conference in some obvious corner, and its a small apartment.

My selfish self thinks this could be entertaining, but it would most likely kill the buzz.

Note to you two: I am sorry I will miss both of you for martinis and meticulously planned party snacks. We were always good social friends and you both could always be counted on to help out in the kitchen and the bar at parties, which is more than I can say of most. (I’m one of those cozy kitchen party girls.) I wish you both could come but you’re just going to have to work it out amongst yourselves.

See you next year?