Just try to stay uninvolved when two people are going through a divorce – it’s impossible to completely avoid the shit on both sides of the fence, especially when one them decides to up and start throwing it at me.

On Friday night, I felt like cooking up a few of my favourite Indian dishes: chicken curry, aloo gobi (cauliflowers and potatoes coated in spices) and rice pillau, with a side of warm naan bread. I thought to myself, I haven’t seen my girl ______ in a while and I know she digs this stuff, why not call her up and invite her over? She neither called nor came that night, but the next day she left a very long, emotional message on my cell phone.

It seems that she has been very upset with me since mid-December, because of the Christmas party situation and because I mentioned in passing, when telling her about getting some new couches from my sister, that we gave the crappy old IKEA one to ex-hubby. An invitation to dine gave her the long-awaited opportunity to tell me off. The gist of the rant went something like “if you want to be his friend, you can’t be mine.” Or maybe it was “He’s an asshole, so if you’re going to give him any friendship, you must be an asshole too.”

Whenever there is a traumatic split in relations with someone, it can be extremely hurtful to even hear their name. When I was not speaking to my teenage-era best friend not so long ago, I still came into contact with people who were her friends. To even hear her name sent me into a tailspin. So I understand the impact on _____ of even hearing his name in relation to the couch. My bad.

At the moment, I have more information about what went on in their house than I ever wanted or know what to do with. This is the shit that’s getting thrown at me, hurled by a force that says “You can’t know this and not cut him off.” I don’t even like the dude a whole heck of a lot, but he lives nearby and I guess you might say he’s a mate. He comes round for beer and Simpsons once in a while, and to his credit, is happy to help move large pieces of furniture anytime. And even though she’s fun to hang out with, nothing could turn me off faster from a friend than passive-aggressive tendencies and attention-getting dramatics.

As a general piece of advice, I’d just like to tell people that if you’re mad, just say you’re mad and why you’re mad and move on. Don’t sit there and make me guess, hoping I’ll say “Oh, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

I simply don’t want to play those games or get sucked into the undercurrents of paranoia in the he-said/she-said thing. I am not up for custody in this battle. Can’t girls ever just hang out and do stuff together without it all being about some personal drama?

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