I’m really such a nice person. I have a dog, I throw parties, I cook for people who never ever take me to dinner. My theory, and it’s not such an original one, is that all good people have an evil twin. Kind of like in cartoons, the angel and the devil sitting on the shoulders. And you, goody-goody, are your very own evil twin.
The good twin gives up a seat for old ladies on the bus, even in the non-courtesy seats. The evil twin walks through crowded parking lots in shopping malls at Christmas holding out her keys. When she suckers a minivan into following her (evil twins hate urban trucks) she ducks between a couple of cars and waits said gas-guzzler to flip on the signal. And oops! That wasn’t my car! I don’t even have a car!
Tis’ the season.